So I've started to notice:

Has anybody else noticed that practically everybody born between about 1980 and now is incredibly angry, depressed, or both? Maybe that’s just what I want to see since that fits me too, but I can’t help but feel that there is a reason for this and that I’m not the only one who sees it…

Maybe I’m just out of my fucking mind too… always an option :P

So I feel like writing again... in a good way for once :)

In fact, I wrote a song last night for the first time since about the seventh grade :D! I’ll eventually get around to posting it, but I want to write the music to the words first… which will take a bit more time, as I never really learned to play guitar… I’m writing on the piano first, and then a friend will teach me guitar :).

As for the rest of life, fourteen fresh slashes in my left arm over the last few weeks probably says more about my mental state than any words I could use. Maybe that’s why I can write again; a need to try and elaborate on something which I can’t put into regular words. Or maybe I’m just too scared to say what I feel out loud…

Nonetheless, I hope I can keep on producing music, art, and anything else I wish for the weeks, months, and years to come :)!

WOW am I fucked... :/

Seriously, you know those situations where the only thing you can do is wait? This is one of them. Two girls, I'm in a relationship with one and I like her, I really do, but a girl whom I knew long before her has come back into my life... and is starting to win me over whether she wants to or not.

What can I DO?! And damn it, why do her eyes have to stay in my head?



Midori... yeah, I'll call her that. Thank you Murakami Haruki for once again providing a poignant picture of my life... my very messy life... :/

I miss people... :(

My sister is gone in college, my girlfriend is in Boston for a bit, my cousin left a little while ago... I want to see my best friend in VA, but we are both always busy...

I miss my three good friends, I miss the one who is probably the only person to read this stupid crap, I miss people period!

*sigh...*

I'm back :D!!! (aka: I'm not dead yet :P)

I'm back to the ol' blog... seems like it's gathered a bit of dust in my time away, as things are much different nowadays than they were.

First, I am now the proud boyfriend of the girl whom I was unsure how to react to, and I'm slowly but surely learning how to do so. We've been dating for over 4 months now and so far I've tried my hardest to be good to her :).

As for my friends, at least I know for sure who those are now. I honestly was really depressed at first as I started to realize just how few of the people I trusted trusted me in return, but I feel much better now knowing that I have those few people in my life who DO stand by me through everything... including suicidal depression...

And to those whom it may concern, I finally found a copy of "Wuthering Heights" in my house if you still want or need it at this point :P!

Call me Dr. Manhattan...

... because people make no sense to me. Seriously, apparently I made he cry. CRY! I didn't even get to say anything because well... I wasn't sure what to say...

I don't want her to be hurt, I really don't, but what can I do? I can't say yes, I can't say no. The logical thing to do would have been to keep this between us, but that didn't happen... Instead I was the only one who didn't realize, because I'll be damned if I get how other people work :(. That sounds a bit strange. I won't literally be sent to hell for understanding others, but I just physically CAN'T! There's a disconnect somewhere for me between where logical reactions end and human reactions begin...

She was CRYING dammit, and I still can't do a thing... can't say a thing...

help...

The middle of... where now??

So everybody seems to say that they live in the middle of nowhere nowadays... doesn't that mean the middle of nowhere is now somewhere? And considering the sheer amount of stuff that likely rests there now, I'd very much like to call it my home... seriously, at this point they probably have one of everything ;P!

Signing off

Come ON already!!

I am NOT being any harsher than I have to be. I am saying what I see, like I always do... what more can I do? Yet you still ignore me, dodge my questions, follow her as though she can do no wrong...

I just wanted to be accepted during a rough time in my life, is that too much to ask? I needed friends, you gave me scorn. And the others follow you as though you can do no wrong. What did I ever do that I haven't sworn to fix? What promise have I ever broken? sure, I take a while with books and stuff, but that's because I know my books... I get only the best and give them out. So I get the silent treatment for over three months for a single stupid mistake? Because none of you have the balls to stand up to the one of you?! The irony here is that fact really hits below the belt. I'd stand up for you to the death of me... or I would have...

And now all you give me after three months is shitty excuses and lies?! Isn't that more than a little bit hypocritical?! Wasn't my mistake a lie? Aren't your excuses lies? Hypocrites... hypocrites, jerks, assholes, and cowards. All of you deserve each other, and you should know that everyone else is getting fed up with you too... but why should that matter? Enjoy utter isolation, and don't come bitching back to me when things go to hell.

And something else... I think I'll let you find out just how little everyone likes you all by yourselves... I'm through sticking up for you when I get treated like this in return.

Annnddd, I feels a lot like musing tonight

soooo... NEW POST XD!!!

What to speak of? Well, as I was reminded earlier tonight, it's Valentine's day this Saturday
. An interesting fact that people don't really know about V-Day, it was actually established exclusively to help the economy. Seriously. So it was made exclusively to merchandise stuff... should I feel dirty for finding that hilarious ;P?!

It really has kinda gained a new symbolism though, the concept that started it has morphed it into a whole new species of holiday. Cool :).

In other news, I'm currently messed up beyond belief. Seriously, ever had that feeling like you want to just smack anything/anyone who gets in your way?? Yeah, me too... right now.

Last thing: http://www.whirled.com/#world-game_g_827_36900

This is the most amazing/demented little puzzle thingy I've ever played... ever XD!!

G'night all,
~D

I wonder...

What exactly would it take to win the respect of over 500 people?

Hmmmm...

Well I didn't quite reach 5... ;P

I'm working at it though... slowly but surely... then one day, when you least expect it my little watchers.............................................................. BAM!! A billion new blogs on your updates! MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

Well, now that that is out of the way, let's talk life.
To be honest, I can't come right out and say "holy sh*t, my life sucks." Because... well... my life is actually pretty good. I have the things that I need and a few that I want, and my family really does care about me despite my frequent tendency to be a jackass without meaning to. The problem isn't my home life though, it's everywhere else. I feel ostracized, left out by people I've never done anything but be kind to.
Especially one person. A person whom I used to trust and held very dear. Now she won't even talk to me or acknowledge I exist. At the risk of her or someone else finding this, COME ON Steph, what the hell is wrong?!

Signing off :)... :/

What to write??...

Hello there world of blogging ones. I'm not sure exactly what I want to write here, so be prepared for some very strange stuff...

Needless to say though, I'm here because a lot of things have changed over a very short period of time. Where better to ask oneself questions than on a blog?
Well... maybe I should stop ranting and start blogging... or are they the same?! I still don't know, and I still don't care. I'm here to open myself in text since life won't allow me to do so for real...

See you soon :)